okay.. I'm desperately trying to face my books. ARGH! i cant get the mood to study. whats studying! I'll rather dive into milk and swim till i drown! ha!

kind of upset over econs and history, brrr. whats this, i got 68 for both papers? short of what, 2 marks to an A grade. then it'll be three As for my H2! its a big deal for me BECAUSE I HAVE GOTTEN 3 Us FOR MY LAST MID YEAR! ARGHHH. brrrr.

but. i must say, results? for God.

why so upset?BRRRRRR

being really thankful for my results i should. guess i'll really have to learn to study for God, ya know? give it your best shot, and whatever comes, let it be honouring to God.

i need to see the real value of studying, otherwise i'll never get the chance to stone at notes ever again. competitions have to be excluded, with honouring God my hope. what was i thinking! 3 As? on my own? forget it, i cant even manage a simple application differentiation without God. i rather Dy/Dx myself. you get a constant! and my constant is God! ha! COOL

Dy/Dx Bryan = GOD! hahahaha MY CONSTANT!

so repentance must come, learning must come. standing up well must come, priorities must be set right. before God, before people. what kind of life do you wanna live? mine has to be divinely purposeful. that when i die, I'll know, i dont just live for grades, my dream job, my dream F&B business. i wanna live for a divine cause.

must say, "JESUS Freak" whacked me hard as a documentary. (look for it at www.surfthechannel.com) missions used to be almost alienated in my head. yes, great commission and all the what nots, but, to be fully committed to this cause requires great courage, great strength, great hope, great focus.. i lack in all these! it's so much easier to start than to focus. i've never seen missions as my primary focus, or rather even sharing the gospel as easy peasy lemon squeezy.

but you and i need to be educated. only 1/3 knows the gospel. 1/3. thats 2/6. such a small portion. how? its so much easier to stay home in our comfort zones isnt it. to just soak ourselves in God, and hopefully drown. maybe hope that he'll return before exams. but, how about bringing this experience to people. people you know who need it, where cultures differ from yours so much. where children die at young age as religious sacrifice. i want that kind of heart beat. that goes, GC GC GC GC not Graphic Calculator!

so my heart has to keep the focus, broken relationship constantly renewed. cleansing has to come often. i wanna drown myself in prayer.

remind me will you, that only in christ alone, my trust exists


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